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¤ 145 You know you are a Mom when…

October 26, 2008

  • Your feet stick to the kitchen floor…and you don’t care.
  • When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone’s bleeding. 
  • You can’t find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket. 
  • You spend an entire week wearing sweats. 
  • Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you. 
  • Popsicles become a food staple. 
  • Your favorite television show is a cartoon. 
  • Peanut butter and jelly is eaten at least in one meal a day. 
  • You’re willing to kiss your child’s boo-boo, regardless of where it is. 
  • Your baby’s pacifier falls on the floor and you give it back to her, after you suck the dirt off of it because your’re too busy to wash it off. 
  • Your kids make jokes about flatulence, burping, pooping, ect. and you think it’s funny. 
  • You’re so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU! 
  • Spit is your number one cleaning agent. 
  • You’re up each night until 10 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, not you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, roller balding, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet…you still managed to gain 10 pounds. 
  • In your bathroom there is toothpaste on the light fixtures, water all over the floor, a dog drinking out of the toilet and body hair forming a union to protest unsafe working conditions. 
  • You buy cereal with marshmallows in it. 
  • The closest you get to gourmet cooking is making rice crispies bars.
  • You count the sprinkles on each kid’s cupcake to make sure they’re equal.
  •  

  • You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
  • You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
  • Your kid throws up and you catch it.
  • Someone else’s kid throws up at a party. You keep eating.
  • You consider finger paints to be a controlled substance.
  • You’ve mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching.
  • Your child insists that you read “Once Upon a Potty” out loud in the lobby of Grand Central Station and you do it.
  • You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
  • You hope ketchup is a vegetable, since it’s the only one your child eats.
  • You can’t bear the thought of your son’s first girlfriend.
  • You hate the thought of his wife even more.
  • You find yourself cutting your husband’s sandwiches into cute shapes.
  • You can’t bear to give away baby clothes – it’s so final.
  • You hear your mother’s voice coming out of your mouth when you say, “NOT in your good clothes!”
  • You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
  • You donate to charities in the hope that your child won’t get that disease.
  • You hire a sitter because you haven’t been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night checking on the kids.
  • You use your own saliva to clean your child’s face.
  • You say at least once a day, “I’m not cut out for this job”, but you know you wouldn’t trade it for anything.
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4 comments

  1. Aint that the truth…


  2. Counting the sprinkles… So true!


  3. Oh boy this should be the warning list sent to teenagers wanting to pop the kids I swear it’ll put them off!


  4. That’s not to mention the few other hundred things we do and wouldn’t have thought we would do when we were waiting forward to being called mom. My mom said the word “mom” is always the first word we want to hear and that it soon turns into the word we hate to hear.



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