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¤ 138 Year of change..

October 22, 2008

Seems like this is the year of change for me…

I have never known anything about fashion.. nothing about makeup, nothing about what looks good and what doesn’t. I never cared about such things as a teenager. I always felt I have the right to be me – and I don’t have to change the way I look to be accepted. And that’s true. I don’t have to! I have had friends.. most of them were just like me when it came to all these things. Who cares? It’s the inside that counts! I never had a problem with it.

But now.. I actually feel that I want to learn these things.. Not because I have to.. because I really don’t. I have the most amazing husband one can have.. and he fell in love with me without makeup.. I have three beautiful kids and they also love me the way I am. I don’t have a work – where I need to look good. Nobody cares how I look when I go to kindergarten to pick up my kids.. neither do they when I go shopping. I don’t need to change anything. The people I love and care about, love me in the way I am – and they don’t need me to change.. they have never ever complained. I change because I want to.

It’s not an easy step.. I don’t like when people look at me.. I prefer to be “invisible”.. I don’t want people to notice something is different. I don’t like compliments.. because I don’t know how to take them. Online works fine.. then people don’t see my face. But IRL? I don’t want to say.. I just feel I want to hide somewhere, disappear from the earth’s surface for a while. I can’t handle it.. and I probably end up saying something inappropriate. That’s how I am.

But on the other hand.. I want to learn.. I wan’t to learn how to handle these situations. And I want people to respect me. I don’t want people to think that I’m ten years younger than I really am. Not even a year ago I almost got a ticket for kids on the bus. 26 years old, mother of three… and the bus driver try to give me a ticket for kids!! Can you believe that? I have to change.. I have to look older.. I can’t walk around looking like I was still 17.. I can’t take it any longer. I need to become more confident too.. and I think these steps help a lot..

That – is why I decided to get rid of my long hair.. to try something new.. to try something I never did before. That’s why I learned (am still learning..) using makeup.. That’s NOT why I’ve got new glasses.. those I really needed.. But they sure help.

I’m really thankful for all the help and encouragement from some people.. you know who you are. I can’t do this all by myself.

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4 comments

  1. Du är fin precis som du är Maria. Det är bra att alla inte försöker vara som alla andra.
    Och det är helt rätt att ändra på saker för att man själv vill!
    Smink är faktiskt riktigt roliga saker när man väl lärt sig att göra det snyggt.

    Var inte rädd för att bli sedd. Du är precis lika bra som alla andra och det du har att säga är viktigt det med!

    Ta hand om dig nu och lycka till med din makeover!


  2. You can do anything you put your mind to. You don’t give yourself enough credit for how wonderful you really are. Remember, beauty comes from within always…. and that my dear you already have!


  3. I second what Amber said, you really are beautiful. If its any help, I used to feel the same way as you, I seriously did not know how to take a compliment. Eventually I asked a friend of mine to teach me how to react certain situations and the basics of make up… Takes guts to try it but you won’t be sorry, seriously…!


  4. SF – So would you mind passing on the information about how to react..? please!!! *puppy eyes*



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