¤ 65 What a girl should know…

September 4, 2008

How can we teach our little (almost)3 year old girl that it’s not ok that other kids.. or people at all.. are touching her if she doesn’t want them to? There’s a boy at kindergarten.. all the time coming really close – all the time touching her. And she is very uncomfortable with it. It started already last year when we came to pick up Efraim in the afternoon.. this boy coming up to her.. looking at her, getting really close, touching her belly, her throat, her face. He probably doesn’t mean anything bad with it.. maybe he is doing it with all girls. I don’t know. I guess he only wants attention. But we have to teach our little girl that this is not ok. She has to say no… that she should never accept that kind of behavior. But it’s not so easy for her.. not yet three years old – hardly speaking hebrew. It’s hard for her to say no.. it’s hard for her to tell the teachers how she’s feeling. Instead she comes to me later – when we are already home.

It maybe sounds very innocent and irrellevant. They are only kids. But how the heck can she learn that it’s not ok for boys to touch her – if it’s ok now?? And I think it’s important for the boy to learn now also…

What do you think? Are we over reacting? I don’t think so,, I really think it is a big deal. This is bothering her. (and me) I think this is one of the most important things for a girl to learn – to be prepared for the future.. to be prepared for the big bad world and all the big bad boys.



  1. I agree with you. While it hasn’t reached the “file sexual harassment” stage, it IS a big deal and needs to be addressed. She needs to learn that it isn’t okay for anyone, male or female, to touch her if she finds it uncomfortable. I’m not sure how to get that into a 3 yr old’s head.

    On the other hand, I would go to the teacher and bring up your daughter’s concerns, and yours. If it is approached in a calm, rational manner, I would hope the teacher would be supportive, begin watching for that behavior from the boy, and step in when she sees the need. Maybe with her nicely correcting him, and explaining how we should keep our hands to ourselves, he might heed the advice.

  2. Do you know if she’s said anything to him or not? I totally agree with you. She has to know right now that nobody touches you without your permission. Do you know his parents? Does he have the same teacher? I’d start with the teacher being she is so young and unsure of the language. I’d try the parents next if that doesn’t do any good. This is most inappropriate. If nothing works, I’d go and talk to him myself and just tell him to lay off.

  3. I do know what to do in this instance actually. Surprising as I myself am not a parent.

    A child from about the age of two can start learning about their private zones. Those are zones that no one (not even parents) are allowed to touch inappropriately. You teach her the words don’t call them anything cute like… whoo hoo, or boobies… just those are your “privates”. Those are yours. No one can touch them without your permission says God. So saying no isn’t a bad thing, because God teaches everyone that privates are just that…. private. Kinda like the commandments. That takes the pressure off of her. If God says it… see?

    A friend of mine did this with her child. The reason she called them privates was because children will refer to these in public. Privates are far nicer and less embarrassing in mixed company – you know how kids just love to tell you something in front of grandma!

    It is never ok for someone to invade your child’s personal space. Male or female. Boundaries are a great thing to learn early. Teach her she has a voice and that she is worthwhile!!!

  4. knowshe2 – welcome to my blog!

    Amber and Joy – We don’t know his parents.. He has the same teacher. We should talk with her about this.. you are right. And we are doing our best to talk also with our daughter, to get her to understand that she has to say no.

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  6. Hubby talked with the teacher yesterday about this.. Good since she didn’t notice. So I hope this will help.

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